There’s a version of me I lost somewhere along the way. Maybe it was the diapers. Maybe it was the sleepless nights. Maybe it was putting kids hockey before whatever it is I used to do before youth hockey was in my world. I can barely even remember that version of me. Photos tell me she seemed like she had fun. She went to concerts. She played beach volleyball. She went snowboarding. There seems to be ancient relics of what appears to be a work wardrobe long forgotten in the back of the closet. Now the concerts are of the beginning band variety. The beach volleyball is less carefree and more about hauling enough beach toys to equip a preschool class with a shovel. The snowboard has been traded in for sleds.
My life turned from a participation sport to a spectator sport. I have a front row seat to my kids best lives. It is a fantastic front row seat. I see the highs and the excitement of trying the new thing or feeling good about how they did in the moment. I see the lows of them not doing as well as they would have liked and help process the big emotions in the aftermath of disappointment.
However, life is not a spectator sport. Sure, for different reasons and seasons, we can be a spectator. But life is meant to be played full in. We are meant to feel those highs and lows for ourselves of our own glories and accomplishments and sometimes the disappointments. This range of feelings is what helps us to feel alive and engaged. Kids try and discard new things and experiences quickly and easily to find what they enjoy. As parents we try to help and foster that desire to learn and explore. But what if we used that same fire to our own lives? What if we try the new thing? We used to be coached, now maybe we try coaching. What if we try that instrument we have been wanting to try but never got around to it? And while we are at it why not take classes for pottery that you always meant to do but ran out of town. We need to continue to maintain bits and pieces of ourselves and keep the childlike curiosity. It turns out you have a great example right in front of you.
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